That’s right. Heterosexuals the world over are acting way
more gay than ever before, thanks to our obvious seductiveness and,
well, TV shows like Modern Family, gay wedding cakes and of course songs by Cher.
And can you blame them? Now that bigotry is diminishing,
even non-gay guys can see how good we have it: the sexual liberation,
the freedom from peer pressure and stereotyping, gender fluidity.
Non-marriage and monogamy. Did we mention our own film fests and go-go boys?Just how did we accomplish our goal? We’d never be so foolish as to divulge our secrets. But we can share with you the fruits of our labor.
More and more straight dudes are trading in fist bumps, high fives and back slapping for spooning and snuggling. A study published in the journal Men and Masculinities earlier this year found that 93 percent of straight-identifying British lads have cuddled with another guy, and a whopping 98 percent said they’d shared a bed with another man. Many claimed they did so for practical reasons, like crashing at a friend’s place after a night on the town, but others said they did it to “feel close” to their guy friends. Isn’t that sweet?
Bottoming
Earlier this month, one of our favorite vloggers Davey Wavey convinced straight dude to Donald to try bottoming on camera. Sort of. Armed with a butt plug and lots of lube, Donald allowed himself to be videotaped from the waist up as he inserted the vibrating device into his derriere. “You know,” he said midway through the experiment, “I would say it feels pretty good because I’m starting to get hard.” Then he got straight to the point: “This weird magical spot in there that you wouldn’t expect to feel good.”
Kissing
Watching gay erotica
Last November we uncovered a Reddit thread in which a straight man by the name of “father_figa” confessed to having “a very high sex drive and perhaps a smattering of sexual addictions,” which caused him to regularly watch gay porn. He then asked if other hetero guys ever did the same. More than 75 dudes replied by saying they, too, got off on watching hardcore man-on-man action.
Having gay sex
Perhaps the gayest behavior straight men have begun engaging lately is gay sex. Last December, yet another allegedly straight man took to Reddit to confess “I feel very attracted to girls and not at all to men when sober, but when I get high I just want a big cock to suck and a man who fucks the shit out of me.” So one day he “decided to have sex with a guy.”
Ultimately, he decided it kind of “grossed him out,” but he was glad he gave it it the good ‘ol schoolboy try.
We are, too.
Take that, Pat Robertson!
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