Lace: "Which one of you bitches is my mother?"

Lace is an American television two-part miniseries, based on the novel of the same name by author Shirley Conran. The plot concerns the search by sex symbol Lili for her natural mother, who surrendered her for adoption as a newborn. Lace was one of the highest-rated television movies of the 1983–84 television season.
Lili's line "Incidentally, which one of you bitches is my mother?", addressed to her three maternal candidates — Pagan Trelawney  Judy Hale  and Maxine Pascal  — was named the best line in television history by TV Guide in its 1993 issue celebrating 40 years of television.

  "Which one of you bitches is my mother?" Those infamous words uttered by a vengeful Phoebe Cates to three unsuspected career women in the two-parter LACE are silk to connoisseurs of ultra-glam miniseries ears. Indeed, the ABC television event, which aired in the winter of 1984, has become a classic in the genre due mostly to its slick production values and its effective storytelling. Hailed as one of the guiltiest of pleasures, its success has not only paved the way for other soapy-like treats but has even spawned a sequel a year or so later—a rare thing in TV world.

 

 I remember vividly when it was first televised. It was on a Friday. I was still living at my parents house, flipping channels in my room when I came across this tasty tale of three high school chums who have a thing for cute guys, silly promises and the high cost of living.

Before I continue, let me say right away that the first part of the five hour frothy drama was shown two days early here in Canada. A thing the CTV network (then called CFCF 12 for a local Montreal TV station) used to do a lot; and not only for miniseries or movies, but for daytime soaps (like an earlier in the day airing of ANOTHER WORLD) and TV shows (MAGNUM P.I., THE WALTONS, LAVERNE & SHIRLEY…) as well. 

 

Anyway, to get back to LACE, ABC did broadcast the same episode the next Sunday night February 26th. So imagine my luck when I realized that I could see it all over again and even tape it on my VCR if I wanted to. I had spent the entire Saturday playing the first episode in my mind and I couldn’t wait to discover who the heck was Lili’s mother, though I had a pretty good hunch already (but more on that later).

 Then came the highly anticipated on-air conclusion Monday night the 27th ; this time simultaneously on both sides of the border. Suffice to say, I was riveted to the screen as the big climactic scene—enhanced by the powerful music score of  Nick Bicat—finally came to reveal the true identity of Lili’s mom. Recalling this, I can still see myself watching it like nothing else mattered, this cute little teen who, tries as he might, could never really fit in with the norm. What I didn’t know then but would soon learn as the end credits appeared was how much in sync I already was with the great trash world. Indeed, it didn’t take long for me after that to start experiencing other miniseries like LACE. Though rarely did they give me the same high.

 

I  have seen a lot of trashy miniseries since then. In fact, I still get all excited whenever one shows up on TV. But nothing compares to the buzz given in discovering LACE. It’s as grand as Lili’s unflappable ego. I wish I could say the same thing about the novel on which it is based but alas it does not come close to the high camp thrill of its TV adaptation (thanks to screenwriter Elliot Baker), even if author Shirley Conran does shake the plot a lot with added characters including a fourth friend named Kate. I read the book after the TV fact, so perhaps my dissatisfaction comes from that.

 

Yes, LACE was my real intro into trash land. To those who have yet to see it, LACE supercharged plot and glamorous locations will definitely leave you wanting more, provided that you’re into that form of entertainment, of course. And be aware that this miniseries comes also with its bag of silliness, most noticeably in regards to Phoebe Cates’ weird accent which comes and goes as it pleases. 

 

But if you can stomach this and all the high-gloss stuffing, I’m sure you’ll be as thrilled as I was in discovering this gem. Oh, and about Lili’s mom. Her identity was no surprise to me because the actress who portrayed her was the most recognizable face of the three leading ladies at the time. I figured her character would do anything, even birth an illegitimate child, to keep the spotlight onto herself.

I remember "Lace" and that infamous
 "Which one of you bitches is my mother?" line just as vividly! Pretty amazing considering it's been almost thirty years since it aired and I would have to have been about 15 years old!
           
I know that I watched the sequel and I'm almost sure it was about Pheobe Cates' character trying to find out which of three men was her father, but I can't seem to recall anything else about it, who was in it, or even who the father was. I'll have to look it up on IMDB or Wikipedia, now I'm wondering. Anyway, I guess it just didn't have the magic of the original "Lace", which was a real sensation.
                 
Amazing how the really great "campy-ness" stays with you forever. It's fun and entertaining and there's nothing wrong with that! Thanks for bringing back a happy TV memory. 
The story opens circa 1980 at an abandoned chateau in the Swiss Alps, once a prestigious boarding school, L'Hirondelle. 

 

Internationally famous film siren Lili (Phoebe Cates ) travels from there to a private meeting with the elderly Hortense Boutin (Tony Award winning Angela Lansbury ), whom Lili knows was paying money on behalf of one of the school's students to a family which adopted the student's illegitimate child. Lili is the child, now grown up.

 

The story flashes back to 1960, introducing schoolgirls Pagan Trelowney (Brooke Adams ), Judy Hale ( Bess Armstrong), and Maxine Pascal ( Arielle Dombasle). Each becomes entangled with a man – Pagan with Prince Abdullah of Sydon (Anthony Higgins ), Judy with banker Nick Cliffe (Simon Chandler ), and Maxine with ice hockey player Pierre Boursal (François Guétary). All three romances fail, but one of the women becomes pregnant. 

 

Knowing it means ruin for the unwed mother, the three make a pact to protect her identity. All three present themselves to the local doctor, Dr. Geneste (Anthony Qualye), and he agrees to assist in having the child adopted. When the doctor discovers the identity of the mother-to-be, he says, "Of the three of you, you are the one I least suspected." The child, Elizabeth Lace, is born on November 17, 1960. The mother's birth name is recorded as Lucinda Lace.
An attempt by the school's headmaster Monsieur Chardin (Herbert Lam) to expel the girls is thwarted when they unearth photographs of him in a homosexual tryst with the school's chauffeur, Paul (Johnathan Hyde). 

 

 They blackmail Chardin into allowing them to stay and graduating them with honors. The child is placed with a foster family. On their behalf, Maxine's aunt, Hortense Boutin ( Angela Lansbury), agrees to pay money to Felix and Angelina Dersaad, a French couple who consent to raise the child.

 

The three girls, on the verge of success in their respective careers, receive a report that the child has been killed, and they go their separate ways. In fact, Lili survived (Felix and Angelina were gunned down by soldiers after the accident) and transforms herself into a film sex symbol.

 

Employing a private investigator, Lili tracks the payments to her adopted parents to Hortense, and through her, finds out about the three school friends and their pact. She knows one of them is her mother. Pagan Trelowney is now Lady Swann, a British aristocrat and the wife of a cancer researcher; Judy Hale has become a journalist, war correspondent, and publisher of Lace magazine; while Maxine Pascal is now the Countess de Chazalle, a French socialite.

 

Lili inveigles herself in the lives of the three women, promising each of them something of value: for Judy, an exclusive interview for her magazine; to Pagan, a very sizable donation to her cancer society charity and for Maxine, to stop dating her son. But she also intends to ruin them if they do not reveal which of them is her mother. She assembles the three and challenges them with the mini-series' most famous line: "Incidentally, which one of you bitches is my mother?" The second part of the mini-series is driven largely by flashbacks to the three women's young adulthood, charting their career successes and returning occasionally to the present where all three are in the company of the woman who claims to be the abandoned daughter. Lili, at the end of the flashbacks, again tries to force a confession from them, but they still remain silent. Infuriated, Lili orders them to leave, but says she intends to keep the promises she made them regardless. As she ascends to her bedroom, she shocks the women by revealing the full details of her birth to the trio.

 

Later in the hotel bar, Judy, Pagan and Maxine all confirm that Lili was telling the truth and they all humorously agree that she is better than all of them put together. That last declaration finally repairs their damaged relationship. They agree Lili must be told the truth with Judy stating that this time, Lili's real mother is won her own in doing so.
In the final scene, Lili receives a phone call from the hotel manager, telling her that her mother wants to see her. Judy Hale comes into the room and beckons Lili to come closer. Lili slowly rises and walks toward Judy, and the two embrace.

 

The novel on which Lace is based, also titled Lace, was written by Shirley Conran. It was first published in the United States on July 1, 1982. The hardcover edition ran to 604 pages.
In the book there is a fourth "mother", a journalist named Kate, but this character does not appear in the adaptation, in which Judy is a journalist.