Who could forget Dynasty? A soap opera where luxurious mansions and extravagant hats were de rigueur,
women were seen dripping in diamonds, and champagne was flowing as
freely as tap water in my house. Weddings and kidnappings were as common
as rain in London, the dead came back to life (or was it Dallas?) and
the super rich lived caviar-drenched decadent lives.
I caught up with Dynasty during my teenage years in the late nineties
and got hooked from the final few moments of Season 1 when Alexis
appeared in Court.
In a world where greed, glamour and glory were the norm, Alexis Colby
shone as a fierce, ferocious and fabulous uber-bitch that we all came to
love. I too worshipped the first Mrs Carrington; in my eyes she was the
original Spice Girl!
Alexis’s main fun in life was to indulge in catfights with her nemesis
Krystle, Blake Carrington’s plain Jane wife. These were some of the rare
moments when Krystle seemed to come to life. Most of her screen time
was spent going “Oh, Blake”, occasionally stretching her repertoire to
“I love you Blake” before receding into the background as the series
went on with some “Blake!” and sometimes just “!”. By series 9, she
ended up in a coma – how could we tell???
No such problem for Alexis though. She had some of the best one-liners
and stole every single scene with her fabulous outfits and outlandish
antics.
But far from being just an evil scheming TV bitch, Alexis had many
redeeming qualities…well…I can count one at least: she loved her
children unconditionally!
And trust me, it was a very confusing situation at times for the poor
Alexis! Adam was kidnapped at birth and didn’t know he was a Carrington
until adulthood; Steven was perpetually confused about his sexuality but
re-appeared so yummy-looking after his “extensive cosmetic surgery”
that I stopped being bothered about the incoherent plot. As for Fallon,
she too miraculously changed appearance in Season 5, suffered from
amnesia and was found unconscious in the desert after being dropped off
by a UFO!? Would aliens dare abduct Alexis Colby? I don’t think so. She
would buy 51.2% of their planet, and fire them!
Alexis was married four times. Who could forget the scene when she saw
off Cecil Colby by bonking him to death, and becoming the richest woman
in Denver?
And her steamy scenes with resident Dynasty stud Dex Dexter that
coincidentally took place in a sauna or bubble bath? Oh yes, Ms
Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan was never short of male attention.
Was it
the eyes glittering through lashings of mascara? Or the evil smirk on
her lips that made men go all soft and gooey? As Sable Colby put it
mildly in one episode “Alexis goes through men like they were cheeses
with an expiry date”.
Her outfits were legendary but not all were successful. Doesn’t she look like the love child of Dr Zhivago and an Ewok in this picture?
Ms Colby, how grateful we are for all those years of condescending
behaviour, evil sneers, shoulder pads, diamond rings, ludicrous
plotlines and over-the-top catfight scenes. You’ve been parodied but
never replaced and caviar will never taste the same without you. Please
come for another series very soon!
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